Miss Geniality

I don't understand how a person who's never even met you before can dislike you, even hate you, because of your association with someone else.

I'm in my first serious relationship, going on about ten months now. Before this boy, I had never had to deal with exes. Ever. He's older than me by about a year and a half, and he's had three previous, rather short-lived relationships. The longest one was about six months.

One of his ex-girlfriends is actually a close friend of mine and we're on amazing terms. She's still friends with him, too. That was his longest relationship. She has another boyfriend now and that's dandy. She's not on my gripe list.

The other two... I'm not so sure.

The one I have had the most problem with is his most recent ex. Who was my friend before I ever even met him. And who I had problems with before I ever even met him. She was the one who toyed with and broke up with him, and yet she was the one constantly texting him and trying to get his attention...but not until AFTER I got with him.

Doesn't this all seem so petty?

It really just aggravated me more than anything. I had pretty much stopped being friends with her before anything happened between me and him. But I still respected our previous friendship enough to tell her myself when things started getting serious. And pursuing him, and I think, at one point, counting on our break-up so she could get her second chance.

Eventually, she kind of stopped. Not really. But she backed off a little bit. It REALLY bothered me that my boyfriend wouldn't tell her to ease up when he knew it made me uncomfortable...and that's actually kind of the source of a fight that we're in right now. She's not very emotionally stable and he thinks it's his responsibility to not be a dick to her, even if it means snubbing me in the process.

Butanyway.

I found his first ex girlfriend's Tumblr a few weeks ago. And because I am extremely snoopy, I looked through it (hey, public domain, right?). While she's had her flings since him, she keeps going back to the idea with him. I've never actually had a conversation with the girl in my life but she's the kind of Tumblr girl who reblogs the black and white text photos that speak of lost loves and hopes of second chances. A few months ago, she posted a picture from years ago of herself and my boyfriend with the caption "I will always love him." She has said that, as the boy that was a lot of her "firsts" (boyfriend, love, what have you) she will make the effort to keep in touch with him for the rest of her life. Which, you know, whatever. I've never experienced a real breakup before and I don't know how some girls move on afterward, so I can't judge.

What DOES bother me? The pointed messages at me, even if they're not shown to me personally. The passive aggressive "She's prettier and better than me so why wouldn't you pick her over me?" stuff that is supposed to guilt. Tonight, I saw this gem in the form of a screencap of an iPhone conversation: "The problem with just being friends is I have to watch you be with someone who doesn't deserve you when I know I can treat you better."

I know that she was referencing her relationship to him because the image before that one was a text picture of lyrics of "their song" (I know that it was "their song" because he told me so).

I don't know how I'm supposed to react to this. If I react at all. It's just so odd to me, to have someone crossing their fingers and praying that your boyfriend will break up with you so that person can have another shot. I'm not used to people actively disliking me, especially people I've never even MET. I'm sure she's seen my Tumblr; she follows my boyfriend, and my boyfriend constantly reblogs the pictures of myself that I post. But because so many of my friends follow me on that blog, I never post anything truly personal (it's mainly a vessel for my Avengers obsession, actually). She has no way of knowing anything about me at all, really, and yet she chooses to dislike me.

It's just odd.

I suppose it's natural? Maybe? They broke up about two and a half years ago, because her strict, conservative parents wouldn't allow her to see him anymore. Neither of them wronged the other, but he's long since moved on, and she's dwelling on the past.

I suppose I'm doing the same to her as she's doing to me. Forming rather baseless impressions. But I don't have a negative opinion of her. It just makes me think, because, under different circumstances, we might have been friends.